Life is busy. And messy. And emotional. But life is fundamentally good... I've been off of this blog the last 3 weeks for two main reasons: I am a high school English teacher, and it is the end of the year, and our computer died... not a normal computer death, but something that resembled computer plague... it was a quick, ugly and complete death. I'm typing this on our new laptop, and I'm trying to get used to the feel of it. I like the compact nature of it, but somehow I miss the substance of the machine that was.
Graduation was yesterday, and I always find it interesting that I am suddenly sad to lose the kids the moment their caps are thrown in the air. I never feel the sense of loss until it is in my face... too busy I guess. This group was entering the building as freshmen only about 5 minutes ago. Halli will be graduating day after tomorrow at this rate. This group asked me to be the speaker at their ceremony. Can I tell you how much I do not enjoy speaking to massive crowds? I struggled for weeks with what to say, and eventually forced each senior to give me a word to include in the speech. I wove 70+ words into the final product. What was interesting was how much I learned in the process. As a teacher, I'm used to hearing and seeing my words in their work. I know I am listened to because they want to pass their class. I was fundamentally amazed to see their reactions to my speech. They were really surprised to hear their words. They were almost tickled at the idea I'd not only listened to them, but that they were included. And suddenly I remembered how strange it was as a teen to have a conversation with any adult who seemed to value what I had to say. My mom was great at it- but almost all the other adults in my memory would smile at me and nod their heads at whatever I espoused with a blank look in their eyes. I wonder how important it is for us, as humans to be heard... to be valued in a way that our ideas and thoughts are valid enough to be really listened to? I started to ask myself how often I truly listen... to everyone... the 10 year old under my roof... the 90 year old at Thanksgiving dinner... how often do I free myself from my own ideas long enough to fully wrap my brain around someone else's ideas?
New goal... learn to listen... I thought I did, but I think I might just "look" like I listen- just because you are listening doesn't mean you hear. I guess it is time to make sure I am hearing.
Summer is almost here... I'm sure there will be many more posts to torture you all with...
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