It has been an interesting week. Kobie, in her first year of softball, was recruited to the all stars team. Cool. The coaches explained, "This is the NOT FUN part of league play"... they weren't kidding. The 10 year olds have had practice EVERYDAY for 2 weeks except weekends. The final practice WAS fun... parents against the team (I hear you laughing, but I held my own... played 1st base with no errors and at my only "at bat" I hit a single!). At the beginning of the game I hear the coach telling the girls, "Okay team... you need to play HARD... all stars is about winning- not just having fun, but winning!" There was a pause, then a confused voice echoed over the field stating, "well that's just SAD." Yep... that's my girl: Kobie. The coach said, "IT ISN'T SAD- IT IS LIFE! WE ARE GOING IN ORDER TO WIN!"
I've been struggling with this ever since. For those curious, the series is over and Kobie's team placed second. They were clobbered in the final game- literally left in pieces on the field. She cried, and my stomach hurt. Is life really about winning? Must we really think of these situations as a "them or us"? As parents in the stands, most of us were just excited when our kids hit a ball, or fielded a grounder... did it really matter if they won? It mattered to Kobie. She's been taught that winning isn't important as long as you try your best, are kind to others and try to have fun... and still, this loss mattered to her. She was the one to question the coach at the beginning of the madness... she knew we didn't expect a win "or else"... and yet she was embarrassed and disappointed in the loss.
I'm left wondering about our choices as parents and humans to focus on the win. Maybe it is more a part of our instinct than I choose to believe... maybe it is such an inherent part of our culture it is inescapable... maybe it is time to rethink a world where in order for someone to win, someone else must lose.
