Swearing... frustration, resolution and celebration...

Okay, David, Kim and Rob... I know I haven't done this in a while... I know... but I'm coming back with an "in your face" kind of post! Not sure why after all these months I'm starting here, with this thought, but what the heck... here it goes...

As a high school teacher, I have to deal with swearing all the time. I categorize swear words into 2 groups: 1. hateful/hurtful and 2. emotive adjectives that ARE NOT meant to be hateful or hurtful. I tell my students they are not allowed to use hateful words in my class- thus, their homework is not "gay" because that would mean homework=gay=stupid=gay people are stupid. No. Even if they don't mean it this way, it is hate talk at the core... and it will never be okay in my class. However, I also explain to them that our language is amazing, beautiful, fun and one of our greatest gifts... so they better not abuse it. I tell them that if they overuse the "F" word on any given day, "F-ing weather- F-ing teacher- F-ing homework" that when they get home and slam their finger in the car door, the most essential word- the only one that really allows for any relief of the pain, much less can fully encompass the gravity of the moment, has lost its power... words are like that... if you overuse them, they lose their potency. I NEED the "F" word for certain moments in my life... but I save it for when I REALLY need it. Then, when it is the ONLY word that my brain can wrap itself around, everyone around me knows the serious nature of the moment. I like that. I like the "F" word... it, like so many things has its place and time...

Last night we went to an AMAZING one-man-band-concert by Matt Barnhart of Green is for Go at The Station restaurant here in town. During the evening, he had driven from Eugene (2 1/2 hour drive) to Rogue River, locked his keys and all his instruments in the car... then realized he'd also locked his belt (desperately needed to keep up his pants) in the car as well. He began with a small, quiet crowd, on borrowed instruments and with no mic or amplifier... and he was amazing. Funny, talented, and full of musical brilliance, he amazed us all... then the guys got his car unlocked, and brought out his stuff... he introduced us to his violin- the one he just bought in Spain because he wanted to learn to play violin... he had carted it down because he'd learned a song on it... his first song: "Mary Had a Little Lamb"... and as we listened to the beginning violinist, we all felt he was brave for doing this in front of an audience; still, (you might be wondering where the swearing part of this story comes in...) the best moment sounded something like this: acoustical version of Mary Had a Little Lamb- sing it in your head, "Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb, Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow..." then he slammed his kick drum and yelled "M*ther F*cker!"... and somehow... it was glorious... we all laughed with him and revelled in the frustration, resolution and celebration that is everyday of our lives.

Eat-yes. Pray-okay. Love-definitely.

So... I've finally gotten around to reading the "YOU HAVE TO READ THIS!" book of the year... Eat, Pray, Love. I'm still in the first section: "Eat"... also could be subtitled "Italy"... I'm going to Italy this coming March, so initially, I was entranced by the food, the locations, the history... but as I end the section, I'm finding myself discontent with the main character... or narrator... or nihilistic woman who made money by travelling for a year, writing a book and selling it to us. I can tell where this is all going: you have to be good to you- know you- cleanse yourself- eat, pray and love with your whole heart... so if I'm right, can I stop reading now? There is no way in the world I am going to travel for a year- and honestly, with the amazing people in my life, I wouldn't want to be away from them for that long. I find myself asking, "why am I spending my time on this? Her life and problems are not mine..." but then, I find moments of clarity- ideas that speak to me on a personal level. First of all, I like the idea of slowing down. I don't want to give up anything I do... but I don't want to do it all at high speed. Possible? I'm not sure- but I'm going to try. My family, my husband, my home, my friends, my job... all need attention, but I don't have to run. So... here is my list:

1. Eat. Yes. I like eating (too much)... but I'm interested in finding a way to eat what I love and to appreciate each bite... I rush through eating at almost every meal... time to slow the frickety-frack down.

2. Pray. Yes. In my own way, I do this all the time. I believe. I believe we all matter- I believe in education- I believe in honesty- I believe we have power within us that hasn't been accessed- I believe we are all so very lucky to be here in the first place... I believe I better slow down.

3. Love. Yes. Yes. Yes. Who and what do you love? I love my husband. I love my kids. I love chai tea. I love Charles Dickens and William Shakespeare. I love the amazing light bulbs that flash on over students' heads when they "get it"... I love life. I love my family... I love the radio station Pandora on the Internet- it introduces me to new music. I love travelling- but only with my people... my family, my students... yeah. Along those lines, I LOVE... and I mean LOVE long car drives with Rob and the girls- the ones where you have to stop at rest areas to pee... where you have to stop at a gas station and you go into the mini-mart to get "road snacks"... we are all trapped together- away from the rest of the world... Yeah, I love that.

Eat. Pray. Love. - Maybe I should have just read the title and called it a day.

Have I ever mentioned that I don't do well not finishing books I've started? It's like a commitment I feel I have made... that I can't get out of.

Missing in action and a New Year's resolution that does not include counting calories...

Okay... okay... I know. And I'm really really sorry. For those of you who don't know, I had to take a master's degree class this last semester in addition to all of my other "stuff"... and the Dragonfly Chronicles made the chopping block so as to make room for the educational splendiforus fun. Ick. New Year's resolution? Yep... here it is: I will write once a week, if not more... I will not dwell on the RIDICULOUS fact that even though I've been teaching for 13 years, the state of Oregon has decided all teachers without master's degrees need to get them... okay... I said it. I now will let it go... at least for the purposes of the blog. (I'm really ticked off about this because I will have to pay $25,000 out that I don't have)Oops... I've done it. I dwelled... I said I wouldn't but I did. So it is out. I guess the good news is that I'm going to get the MA in Theater Production- I know my literature and my teaching... I have much to learn about theater. Additionally, I think my co-teacher, Todd Rose, will be doing the program with me... should be cool.

On a lighter-slightly-less-angry note... life is remarkably good. My girls are amazing- growing and learning. Rob and I are thankful in this horrid economy to have viable jobs. I still love teaching after all these years. Still find my heart flutter a bit every time I see a light bulb come on over a student's head- still find myself excited to start new novels and let the kids get to know the wonders within. Yes... life is expensive and messy... but quite good.

I'll be back soon... resolution. Done. I'll be back... tehehehe- Schwarzenegger was here!